Saturday, May 31, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull F.A.Q.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull raises many questions, none of them important.

(SPOILERS)

Q. Why would the U.S. Government waste money fully furnishing a town with brand new cars and functional appliances only to blow it up with a nuclear explosion?

A. In order to briefly fool Indiana Jones. And to see if a nuclear bomb would destroy a TV set. Turns out, yeah it would.

Q. Why did the Russians go to the test site town in the first place?

A. To lead Indiana Jones there.

Q. How come some of the Russians were still there when the test began?

A. They didn't know it was a test site town either.

Q. So how come Cate Blanchett and the rest of them had left already?

A. Those Russians did know.

Q. Why did Ox steal the skull originally?

A. What?

Q. Why didn't the aliens just take their saucer and go home before the skull was stolen?

A. They didn't feel like it yet.

Q. So what actually happened at the end?

A. Who cares?

Q. Why did the aliens destroy everything they collected?

A. Does it really matter?

Q. What's the point of building a temple just to self-destruct? Why not just not build a temple?

A. [shrug]

Q. What was happening to Cate Blanchett when her eyes burst into flame and she disintegrated?

A. Her eyes were bursting into flame and she was disintegrating.

Q. Why did the alien do that?

A. Aliens also like Ike.

Q. Why are the aliens from another dimension, rather than another planet?

A. Because it's far more plausible that way.

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2 comments:

crystal! said...

what a mess!

firstly:
"Q. How come some of the Russians were still there when the test began?

A. They didn't know it was a test site town either."

i thought they were there to kill indy? it made no sense to me when he tried to flag them down.

also, "the treasure was knowledge... to them, knowledge was treasure."

and- "are they going to outer space?"
"no, they're going to the space between spaces."

don't tell me a million times that these things are "inter-dimensional beings NOT ALIENS" just to have a mothereffing UFO take off. oh, i was mad.

when mac was all "i'm actually not a double agent..." a guy behind me said "NOT THIS AGAIN!" threw up his hands, and left. it was hilarious. indy, i thought you were smart.

my friend chadd would like the next indian jones movie to give indy the power of flight, with no explanation, and have a scene where he tames a wild t-rex and then rides it bareback. he claims that would be just as believable and interesting as this movie.

Rodimus Prime said...

Akela, speaking in third person to keep with the makes no sense Indy post, is now happy she didn't spend money on this.