I've gotten used to this sort of useless offer, but the latest mailing, from Collegiate Funding Services, managed to surprise me. This one is a letter:
Dear Mr / Ms. BYERLY,
Thank you for your interest in consolidating your federal student loans through Collegiate Funding Services. Based on the information you provided, we have determined that you are not eligible to consolidate your loans with our company...Although we would prefer to consolidate your student loans, we are prevented from doing so due to the following reasons:
You have previously consolidated your student loans and according to federal regulations, may not do so again.
Is this supposed to make them feel big or something? Rejecting me when I never applied? I applaud their initiative in researching me, but if they're going to look me up unsolicited, it kind of defeats the purpose if they're going to send the letter anyway.
Applying this logic to other situations:
"We're selling some great cars here. Too bad you've already got one."
"Big sale on clothes! Know who doesn't need new clothes? You."
"Bet you'd like to ask me to prom. Well, sucks for you, loser, 'cause you've got a date already."