Miami Vice - I never watched the show. Was it really this serious? Okay, we eventually see a lot of action, and it's hard to take anything too seriously when Colin Farrell's hair looks like that, but that somber tone! Is this Collateral 2?
Thank You For Smoking - I liked this better when it was about guns and Nicolas Cage did the smarmy voice-over and it was called Lord of War. Just kidding. I didn't really like it better. But the bit at the end with Rob Lowe is funny. Do you think people who defend Big Tobacco are bad people? Discuss.
The Ant Bully - Wow, this is really, really unfunny. It's like everything that's terrible about how second-rate computer animated movies pass off lame and obvious pop-culture riffs as all-ages cleverness. And didn't we already do all the computer animated ant movies? It's over. You missed it. Also, this is racist against bugs that aren't red ants.
M:i:III - I like how they changed the rules of their absurd marketing abbreviation since the last sequel. Then, it was M:I-2. That's with a possibly capital I (though in the logo all letters were split with a cool line so who knows, really), a hyphen after the I, and an Arabic numeral 2. Now we've scrapped the hyphen for a second colon, and switched out the Arabic numerals for the epic feel of Roman numerals. Presumably the lowercase "i" was to make the ridiculous number of "i"s in the abbreviation a little less confusing. Hilarious abbreviation, guys. Excellent job. I look forward to seeing what you come up with for Tom Cruise is Perfect and Amazing, Part Four.
And look, it's Michelle Monaghan from Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. Thandie Newton didn't work out? And he went through so much trouble for her. Shame.
Look at the restraint here. Sure, it's a teaser, but Philip Seymour Hoffman dominates more than half of it. There's the slow reveal that Cruise is indeed starring in this movie. Thank goodness he cut his hair this time. We also learn there's a big set piece with planes attacking a bridge, like in True Lies, only this one is in Virginia, according to the license plates. Hey, that SUV tumble looks exactly like the one in the X3 teaser. Small world. Back in M:I4 (okay, M:i:III), there's another big set piece with a big Chinese building, falling out the big Chinese building, and possibly the street outside the big Chinese building. Cruise makes out with Monaghan and his shirt disappears. An Asian girl provides kicking. Why does the explosion behind Tom Cruise knock him sideways?
There is some kind of fake head. Will they finally show us how they make those stupid masks?