Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Fat People Are Beneath Contempt

Can I say again how much I hate parody movies that do nothing but imitate as many recent movies as possible? What ever happened to movies like Airplane! and The Naked Gun, which at least had the discipline to stick with the genre they were ostensibly mocking? And which didn't have to make every reference to an outside movie look exactly like that movie? And which had actual jokes?

How is the Date Movie trailer abhorrent? Let me count the ways:

1. Here we go again with the fat suit. With Alyson Hannigan, yet. Alyson, I thought you were so much better than that. This makes me sad. Fat people sure are repulsive, aren't they? How dare they dance or be happy or hope for love. Ugh. At least we can express our hate through laughter. And through fire hoses, like we used to do with black people. Speaking of which, there's a black guy--he hates fat people too. And thus we have racial harmony. Can you believe that sneering at fat people accounts for nearly half the trailer? How many people have to be disgusted by the fake fatty before we can move on?

2. "From 2 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie" - Okay, so that title card is the funniest thing in the trailer, but it still should set you on edge.

3. A Napoleon Dynamite impersonator. Terrific. It's not enough that unfunny people in real life do Napoleon Dynamite imitations, now we have to see it in movies, too. Get this: His shirt says "DON'T vote for Pedro"! See what they did there? They took the real movie and "flipped it"! Now that's parody. By the way, what the fuck is Napoleon Dynamite doing in a date movie spoof? Who cares? It's a movie people recognize from the last two years!

4. The Hitch parody overtly references Will Smith in the dialogue. Thanks, guys. That reference might have been too subtle for us otherwise, what with you only using the actual name of the movie you're spoofing.

5. Thanks for also spelling out the Meet the Parents spoof, trailer. If you weren't holding my hand I don't know what I'd do. The bit with the shitting cat, terrible as it is, is actually the second funniest bit here. Just so it's clear what we're dealing with.

6. That "Wedding Planner" is like J.Lo, so her name sounds similar! J.Lo has a big ass! Now let's "flip it"--this woman will have an enormous ass! Keep going! Her ass is so enormous it knocks things over!

7. It's only a guy made up to look like Owen Wilson, with a strange nose and floppy hair. Help me out here. "Is it too late to crash the wedding?" he says. Whew, now I know what it is! A Wedding Crashers spoof, even! You had me worried there, movie. They must have written that at the last minute. Now, "flip it"--a guy falls on him! That sure didn't happen in the real movie! Take that, Other Movie That's Already a Silly Comedy Anyway!

8. A chick with burgers. Um, um...shoot. They don't spell this one out for us, and we barely see the soapy car behind her, so we can barely tell this is a spoof of the Paris Hilton Carl's Jr. ad. Don't get all obscure on us, now, guys.

9. In the background, a little Michael Jackson joke. Some woman beats him up. Ha ha? I guess they heard me making fun of their heavy-handedness and decided to go subtle. We know it's MJ because of the "ee-hee" and "It's just a slumber party." I almost missed this one, it's so out of nowhere. But I'm glad they had the courage to take on that sacred cow, just like they did in Scary Movie 3.

6 comments:

lyan! said...

I love that you consider Hannigan a good actress with something integrity that might keep her out of a fat suit. Anyway, yeah, that movie looks like shit.
In fact any of the movies made by the Scary Movie Contingency look like shit if you ask me.

How was Narnia by the way? I want to go see that, but as Japanese tickets are expensive, I don't want to see it if it's going to royally suck. If it's only going to be moderately bad, I can hang with that.

Steve said...

I'm just waiting for someone to come out with a Spoof movie spoof, which will hopefully kill this entire awful genre.

Kenny said...

Yes, any spoof by the Scary Movie or Teen Movie folks is awful. I didn't see Narnia. I liked the book when I was younger, although I only got halfway through the series. But the movie looked very generic to me somehow. Check out Holohan's blog; he seems to have liked it.

Don't be a dick. Hannigan has a history of at least choosing good projects. Even in the raunchy American Pie series, she brought a loopy authenticity that elevated the whole affair. Never has masturbating with a flute seemed to carry such a matter-of-fact dignity. Plus she has solid geek cred with her Buffy and Veronica Mars associations, and she's on one of the year's best new sitcoms. So yes, seeing her cavort in a fat suit in the most witless movie ever conceived was a bit of a disappointment.

C said...

Do you think it's aimed at me? Someone who hasn't seen any of the mentioned movies, but, might, on the off chance of being stranded on a deserted island with nothing but a cineplex, see the current one they're hawking?-- oh wait, i think i saw meet the parents on cable.

Kenny said...

In a way, maybe it is targeted at you. The key to pop-culture-reference based comedy is that you don't have to be clever, because audiences will laugh with recognition and be proud at themselves for recognizing things. By making their references so broad and obvious, the filmmakers ensure that everyone will get the references and feel pop-culture-savvy whether they actually saw the movies or not. It flatters people for having what's actually a very shallow awareness of things, rewarding them for knowing simple things everyone knows while making them feel like they're "in on the joke." Like "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," or the faux-obscure references of "Family Guy." (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

Zack said...

That's okay. They aren't the part of Family Guy I like.