Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Little Bastard

Here's a switch.

Cruise & Holmes Wait for Baby Before Making Wedding Plans

Hollywood supercouple Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are planning to wait until their baby is born before they wed in 2006. War of the Worlds star Cruise tells broadcaster Barbara Walters in an upcoming TV special that the engaged couple are planning a wedding ceremony for next summer or early autumn, but they're yet to set a date. Cruise has also revealed that he has bought his own sonogram machine so he can follow the baby's progress. He plans to donate the high-tech hospital equipment to an undisclosed maternity ward.

Aren't you normally supposed to hurry up the marriage so your kid doesn't get born out of wedlock? "Let's see...either I have an illegitimate child, or my bride is fat in all the wedding pictures I want published in the tabloids. Illegitimate it is!"

Here is some more fun. I love that the following two stories are in a row:

Klein: "I Hate Fat Girlfriends"

American Pie star Chris Klein has hinted at why Katie Holmes ended their engagement at the beginning of the year and found love with Tom Cruise - he has a mean streak. The unforgiving actor tells women's style magazine Elle that he hates placating women and refuses to accept his partner gaining weight because it leads to insecurity issues. He says, "When a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body. You have to say no... I don't placate." He also admits he fell in love with the majority of his female co-stars and counts them all as ones that got away. Klein adds, "I've got this policy that you don't sleep with them (co-stars); it complicates stuff. So it's the Heather Grahams, the Rebecca Romijns, the Mena Suvaris, and the Leelee Sobieskis of the world. They all got away." Meanwhile, the actor admits he plans to stay friends with his ex, even though they no longer speak to one another. He states, "Are we friends? Absolutely. Do we talk? No."

Huffman Reveals Eating Disorder Hell

Desperate Housewives star Felicity Huffman has revealed she suffered from eating disorders throughout her late teens in a desperate bid to look perfect. The actress admits she eventually called on the help of a family therapist when her weight plunged to just 98 pounds in her early 20s, and she never imagined she'd become one of the sexiest women on TV. She says, "I was bulimic and anorexic for a while, just hating my body. As an actress, I was never thin enough, never pretty enough. My boobs weren't big enough." Huffman credits having two kids and turning 40 for helping her to come to terms with her body at last. She adds, "I think I've always had a 40-year-old body, and now that I'm actually there I'm like, 'Hey, pretty good.'" But the actress insists her past eating disorders and dissatisfactions have had their use - in helping her prepare for acting roles, like in sex-change movie Transamerica. She explains, "The self-loathing that goes along with bulimia or anorexia helped me understand (character) Bree's internal journey."

One of the sexiest women on TV? Yeah, okay, whatever. I guess that's why in her new movie she's a man-to-woman transsexual. She's got to ugly that shit up, like Charlize Theron or something. She's so gorgeous we'll miss her acting, right? Look, America, just because a celebrity is successful and not hideous does not automatically make them sexy and beautiful.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that Chris Klein and Felicity Huffman are perfect for each other.


C said...

for the first time, Tom and Katie are completely right.

Steve said...

Wow. Chris Klein is awesomely scummy. Like if I were writing an over the top complete sleazebag, I'd probably have him say something like that in the first draft. Then go back and change it because it's too on the nose.

lyan! said...

I hope all of hollywood dies on their refluxed stomach acid. Ok, no, but I want them to at least hate themselves some more.

Zack said...

Illegitimacy is an outdated concept. It's all about which kids get the land, the money, the car, the crown. When a male celebrity gets a girl pregnant, assuming there is no abortion or miscarriage, that kid is de facto a legitimate one. What's Cruise gonna say? "The kid was born out of wedlock, so I don't gotta pay for shit?" Not in this modern world.

What's more touching: making sure the ring is present at the birth, or that the baby is present at the wedding? To the extent that either should matter at all, I'd say the latter. Certainly it makes for better press, too.