Saturday, November 05, 2005

I Am Reading The News

This guy kills a deer with his bare hands. I love it. When a deer busts into the house, how much of a man's man do you have to be to react by rolling up your sleeves and announcing, "Stand back, everybody, I'll take care of this fucking deer."

How much of a man do you have to be to not give up after ten minutes, not twenty, not thirty, but to go ahead and take a full forty minutes to destroy that deer? As it this point, is it even about protecting anyone anymore? Is it about preventing damage to your daughter's room? Or, after about five minutes, was there a moment where he got kicked in the leg and decided, Okay, deer--this just got personal.

"Honey, call the police. I'm going to go back and keep fighting the deer. ...Why? Because he's a little bitch, that's why."

I also like that the police gave him time to kill the deer before they got there, and that the family apparently just waited out in the house while he fought in the bedrooom.

"You need any help in there, Wayne?"

"No, I've [CRASH] almost got him. He's [SLAM] getting tired. [RUMBLE THUMP CRUNCH] Y'all just sit tight, I'm fine. Venison for dinner tonight."

If this was how people hunted deer, deer hunting would be about a million times awesomer.

5 comments:

Tommaso Sciortino said...

I don't know if I'd consider that brave or foolish. I have a feeling that with a little less luck we would have heard about him in Darwin Award.

Michael the girl said...

I read that deer article and I forwarded it to a friend here in Michigan, because this is seriously the kind of thing he would do. Only he'd have gotten a gun and shot the deer, in front of his little girl, instead of wrestling it. Or maybe even let her pull the trigger.

Then he would have cleaned it in his front yard to show off to all of the neighbors. This is the same guy, mind you, who shoots and eats squirrels. And it's not like he's poor. His dad's a doctor, and they live on 40 acres or something like that. He just thinks they're both fun to shoot and tasty.

What I find most amazing, perhaps, is that he found a woman willing to marry him. (He's getting married next August.) She must be one hell of a woman...

(PS The start of deer season, Nov. 15, is a holiday here, and everyone--including little school kids--gets it off because all of the teachers are out there shooting too. Michigan--with it's insistence on football, public drunkenness, and hunting season--is really very weird. I don't recommend it for non-academic endeavors.)

Simon said...

hahaha.
Oh man.
I'd love to find some format to run this in the Squelch with.

Andy R. said...

hey, I wanted to talk to you about something in your blog, so can you send me an e-mail so that I can reply to that or include you IM name (if you have one) so that I can get in touch with you that way.
thanks,
andy ratto
andyratto@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

This is a wonderful article.

I particularly enjoyed that they have a story about another indoor-deer situation that is resolved by someone simply opening a door and letting the deer out.

-Sean