Sunday, April 10, 2005

Pull Up Your Damn Pants, Son

This idiot SAT student was walking around today with his extra-large basketball shorts carefully positioned so that the elastic waistband fell just below the bottom of his buttocks. Just low enough to expose the entire ass of his boxer shorts. He was constantly adjusting them, since without his ass to hold up the elastic, they gradually slipped down every time he moved. He would reach back and pull it up so it was nice and snug against the very edge of his ass.

What is he trying to prove? It’s insane. That’s not laid back, it’s way more difficult than just wearing the pants at near the right height. Can we agree that when it comes to low-hanging pants or pant-derived garments, that 50% down the ass is about as far as we should go? That the under-side of the curve, where your buttocks start tapering back toward your legs, is an area your pants should be covering?

This is so damn stupid, and the worst part is, at 25, I’m too old to say anything about it. I could make fun of this kid to his face and it would only encourage him to know that an old man like me thought he looked retarded. It would be like when our parents used to think it was hilarious to make fun of kids for wearing their baseball caps backwards, and we would laugh at how out of touch they were because it was such a non-issue.


lyan! said...

Its still good to put them down as much as possible.
I like making fun of punks, the ones who put so much die and schlack in their hair so as to make it stand up -- hey boss, instead of working on your hair, work on some anarchy. Loser.

I'm all about whatever fashion you want to do, but the second you pay for it in anyway that makes it 'trying' you've failed and I hate you. Sorry.

Zack said...

It's fashion. It's high heels that hurt your legs and pierced ears that get infected and backwards baseball caps that fail to accomplish the single thing that baseball caps are designed to do. None of it is popular for making sense.

Before we decide this kid's an idiot, we need to know what his reasons for having his ass showing are, and evaluate whether or not his visible boxers are aiding his cause.

Peacocks, dude, peacocks. They're retarded. But peacocks with big retarded tailfeathers get the chicks (hens, rather). It's sexual selection, and in humans it's social pressure, too. As soon this kid stops getting positive social feedback from his peers and prospective mates, he'll stop. It's not that he's not listening to you because you're old. It's that you can't give him anything he wants.

C said...

that's the problem with kids today. they're all whores who wear their pants too low and as a result the STDs are spreading like wildfire. surely that's the cause, low riding pants. do you know how hard it is for a girl to find a decent pair of jeans these days?? impossible. 90% of the jeans in the jr department barely cover the parts that need covering and 90% of the grown up jeans are retardedly high waisted. and the rest are just retarded!

matt said...

Woah[sic]! A tirade about teenagers wearing their pants too low? Is it 1993 already?

lydia said...

It's not fashion, it's a fashion faux pas. I'm sure the kid will feel like an idiot in a few years if anybody cares enough to take pictures

Zack said...

In your eyes, as in mine, it's a faux pas. But you are not in his social circle, and your opinion, like mine, is irrelevant. "Fashion" and "retardedly impractical" are neither opposites nor synonyms. They are independent dimensions that coalesce into ridiculous objects like this kid's pants.

It's not fashion in the sense of fashion magazines or fashion models, I will admit, but it is fashion.

Meli said...

Hanging in the shitty part of Oakland, as I am wont to do 20 hours/week, I would say that culture might play into this too, assuming this kid isn't white. We get more of a middle-aged crowd in here at the clinic, but the younger guys are definitely sporting that look. Assuming, again, that we're not talking the white kids, who just look out of place and scared. Ah, love my job!

Anonymous said...

He was probably listening to that rippety-rap music, too. Maybe even wearing an earring. Kids today.