Tuesday, April 19, 2005

If Zack Were a Hot Chick I'd Totally Do Her

This rant may be lost on readers who a) use TiVo to skip ads or b) don't watch TV, but I have TiVo now and this ad still got through.

It's a Mountain Dew ad where a guy buys a Mountain Dew from a vending machine while chatting with his friend about getting dumped. As he buys the soda, the machine displays an ominous "bonus" message, which he doesn't notice. He turns and beeps the alarm on his beat-up old car, only to find that it transforms into a cool car. Amazed, he presses the button a few more times, cycling through different cool vehicles (including a tiny car driven by a friendly shriner) until finally settling on a slick orange pickup.

His friend's like, "Let's go," but the guy decides to go for broke and points the remote at his friend. He presses the button and the friend grows tits and long hair. The friend says, "Dude, not cool." He presses the button again and the friend finishes transforming into a willing hot chick and her clothes shrink to fit. She asks for a Dew, and another tap of the button delivers her one. The guy says "thank you" and kisses his key fob. Presumably, he then drives off and bones his best friend in hot chick form.

How is it possible that the numerous people who had to sign off on this ad saw nothing creepy about a guy transforming his friend into a sexy girl for the implied purpose of sex? Do they expect us to watch this commercial and say, "Right on! I totally wish my guy friends had tits so I could do them." Isn't it implicit that the guy's friend is still in there somewhere and that is so not a turn-on? Does it not occur to them that many, even most guys are likely to see this as weird and somehow, inexplicably, sorta gay?

4 comments:

lyan! said...

...so wait, you don't want to have sex with Zack now? I'm totally confused.

I too thought that commercial was weird.
I do however like the idea that when he changed his friend into a hot chick he, in effect, sold out his friend for a shag with a hot girl.
Then I like the idea that if you drink Mountain Dew (which has all that lovely urban mythology about lowering sperm counts already) you have expendable-for-sex friends. Friends are only usefull when you aren't getting sex from a hot girl.

But really, how true is that... eh..? good friends vs sex with girlfriends... Aww yeah.

matt said...

I think the advertisers are counting on their target audience not thinking too hard about it. Indeed, not thinking too hard is the main driving force behind most Mountain Dew purchases.

Zack said...

The implication being what, exactly? That I lack not only for chickness but hotness? Get your eyes checked, biatch.

I actually think, Matt, that Kenny's not thinking about this hard enough. That's not a female version of the same person. That's a different person, inside and out. The person who got into the passenger seat had ovaries, two X chromosomes, and an entirely different brain (hence the totally different personality). At least, that's the feeling I got from it. Boy was replaced by Girl. Boy no longer exists. His very essence has been erased. It's still a fucked up ad, but in a different way, a way which in no way compromises your implied promise to do me after my sex change.

PS Thanks for donating the title of this post to the quotebox in the top right corner of my blog, and for offering to do me up the hypothetical.

Kenny said...

See, the replacement theory works with the car, esp. given the Shriner who appears out of nowhere, but the weird intermediate stage with the guy, and the matching clothes, suggest the creepy "transformation" theory. I think the fact that the friend is unconsenting to the change adds to the discomfort of the situation. But Zack has a point--whether the soul or essence of the guy has been replaced or not, the resulting new body is still 100% hot chick, not a transvestite or post-op tranny that still looks disconcertingly mannish. And given a situation with such a magically complete transformation, maybe a guy could get used to the idea of doing his friend, as long as she were hot enough. If any personality remained, it just means you'd get along well. If, as Zack postulates, girl version had a clean slate, then so much the better.