Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Champion Editon

This message board features an intriguing, astonishingly long debate on the the most pressing issue of the day: How many five-year olds could you take in a fight?

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

There's way too much to actually read, but if you skip around a bit you'll find plenty to enjoy. There are those who believe they could take on hordes of weak little children.

Are you allowed to use one the kids to wield at other kids ala a sword? It is not hard at all to swing them around and if so then i have a feeling you could just swing around in a little circle and knock them all out as they get close to you.

Then there are those who believe the former are filled with bluster and hubris. These folks give the tots and their combined weight more credit:

Probably a couple of them would work their way behind you and get on the ground and like 7 or 8 of them would bull-rush you from the front forcing you to trip. Once you're on the ground, 4 or 5 of them would be responsible for securing each arm and leg, and the remaining ones would just stomp on your head until you are unconscious.

This is via Waxy, a Boing Boing source.


C said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks more children need to fight to the death.

Anonymous said...

So how many do you think you could take, Kenny?


Kenny said...

10, maybe. 15 tops. 5, on a bad day.

Kenny said...

Because I'm a weakling.