Saturday, December 18, 2004

Flamewar of the Worlds

My uninformed War of the Worlds rant has sparked an an irrationally angry comment, which amuses me to no end. Unfortunately, the poster is anonymous, and if his blog reading habits are anything like mine, he'll never return to this blog again. Even so, I love attention, so anyone who gives it to me deserves a response. Besides, he wants attention too, and who am I to deny it?

First of all you A.R. - CRY baby!!
I believe you mean "R.A." crybaby, though I don't believe that abbreviating "are a" has saved you much space or time. In fact it seems to have only confused you. Good luck keeping letters straight in the future. I hear Scientology helps with dyslexia; look into it. Also, no need to capitalize "cry" and not "baby" or to split the term into separate words.

When you have the kind of money that Spielberg has, and makes, then you can comment, until then - blow it out your ASS!!
First, did you ever see the Mr. Show sketch where they make fun of how stupid the notion is that someone is beyond criticism if they make more money than you do? Well, if not, Bob Odenkirk and David Cross probably make more money than you do, so you can blow things out of your own ass. By the way, are you sure you make more money than I do? We'd better check to make sure you can even comment on my blog.

Second, I never framed this as an attack on Spielberg, who I gave credit for making what looks like an effective movie for what it is. I'm sure it's a very serviceable, crowd-pleasing summer blockbuster. This was always a rant on whoever put together such a tone-deaf trailer--almost certainly not Spielberg, who has his hands full actually making the movie. Spielberg may have had the idea to use the Wells text in the trailer, but I have no way of knowing if he did or not, and in any case it's not his writing I was tearing up.

I mean really, what kind of fucking idiot even gives serious consideration to the way a film is marketed - especially a stinking, rip - off, remake.
I don't know, film marketers? There are people whose whole job it is to create these things. Huge projects costing hundreds of millions of dollars are riding on the effectiveness of film marketing, so it's kind of an important thing. It doesn't matter if you think the film is a stinking rip-off remake, and anyway, Spielberg makes more money than you, so blow it out your ass, if you haven't already.

Now, I don't have a stake in this movie, so why should I care or comment? Well, I happen to like movie trailers a lot. I like to watch them and then afterwards say "That looks good" or "That looks awful." But ultimately, who gives a shit why I care? This is a blog, you moron. A personal blog on blogspot.com. Maybe the point of it is to write about the dumbest, most insignificant shit I can imagine. Why are you reading it if you're so wrapped up in serious, important concerns?

Guess what professor, it is there to grab your attention, not take you to SCHOOL.
It grabbed my attention with the way the sentences made no goddamn sense. I don't think that was their goal. Maybe I wasn't actually supposed to listen to the sentences, but I did, and they pained me. Also, you are wrong. I am not a professor. It is good that trailers do not take me to school because if they did it would be a school of bad writing.

You need to get laid or better yet - learn to masterbate,
Thank you for your concern. After many years, I have managed to get laid and also finally learned to masturbate properly. You need to learn how to spell "masturbate." Telling people they need to get laid in order to solve their problems is common but simplistic advice. Many people continue to be troubled even after engaging in sexual intercourse. For instance, I continue to nitpick movie trailers.

it is everything they say it is - you can have sex with anyone - or in your case, anything, and no one ever need know. The side benefit for the rest of us in there is no danger of you having any children this way, thereby protecting our already poluted gene pool - I say already poluted because presumably you are a member of the human species.
Polluted has two Ls. The phrase should be "no one need ever know"--you have transposed the words. See one of my old Squelch issue reviews for a mention of how hackneyed and trite the "stupid people shouldn't breed" insult is. I get the feeling you are falling back on this cliche out of laziness. Nit-picking movie advertisements does not seem to be something that is actually destructive to the human race. At best, it may inspire better advertisements. At worst, it inspires ill-informed comments on blogs. Hardly threatening to the future of the species.

Why can't guys / Gals like yourself just join a cult where they casterate you. I have to ask myself why didn't your parents join instead of kicking the rest of us in the shorts by producing you.
Why is "Gals" capitalized when "guys" isn't? You misspelled "castrate" and that sentence should end in a question mark. Did you want my parents to join the cult or me? Your writing is muddled and unclear. To answer your first question: Such a cult holds little appeal for people "like myself," because we are smart. To answer your second question: My parents did not join because your hypothetical cult does not exist.

You are dumb.

3 comments:

Zack said...

Hallmark should totally make flamewar cards, with clipart of babies, and that one sassy cartoon granny, except they'd say "Guess what professor" or "LOL FAG!!" instead of "You'll never guess what I got you for your birthday..." or "Keep your chin up ... all six of them!!"

oneeyerule said...

That is probably one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. I love when morons post because they don't realize that their insightful and meaningful comments are actually beacons for their stupidity. Ah, there's one person I hope never operates on me or has children. Maybe he's from a cult?

C said...

actually zack,

http://www.sendacardsecretly.com/

not hallmark, but just as good.